Thursday, December 27, 2012

steady my heart

Remember THIS post? My biological mother went back to her husband today declaring her move a fresh new chapter for them both but I'm afraid it's the same sad story I have seen on repeat. I can only pray that I am terribly wrong as I will always wish her an abundance of happiness. Her reasoning stings like a bee and her spoken judgements towards my response to her move is predictable but still unfathomable.
Nonetheless, after years of worry and constant support I've decided to remove myself from the drama as Lee and I look to create a family of our own when he returns. I forgave years ago and my childhood pastor taught me that I don't have to forget but now I have given up on making any sense of it all. I simply don't want to be associated with anything surrounding his name any longer. I can't.
Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."
1 Cor. 15:33
Before I could tell time I felt like it was my duty to be an adult and be her rock. Careful to say the right things and ensure her that everything would be OK.
Scarcely active in my life, she has always wanted more from me and I've always wondered how she could be so bold as to ask such a thing from me. Maybe one day she'll understand what she needs to be fulfilled.
I hope to have children of my own one day and I'll need to be the adult for them. It's time to focus on what makes me happy and that situation just isn't it.
Mercy. I sure have gotten real with y'all this year. Cheers to the new year. Hope it comes quick. I'm ready to make it the best one yet!

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