Friday, September 30, 2011

BIG news

I’m not sure where to begin so I’ll just start typing.
I started this blog to keep our family and friends alert in regards to our Army adventures. Many times I stray on the subject while drooling over home decor etc, but still, I always want to be honest and share my true feelings in hopes that I may help another that just might be going through the same ole thing.

Writing helps me breathe as strange as that reads. Here’s to breathing:

My Solider has months of training planned. Fortunately during this time, we may fly back and forth on the weekends to see one another as our budget allows. Different from the rest, this training allows us to talk as we do during our 9-5 jobs. He won’t be bound to a dorm and no phone rules either.

By securing the branch he wants, we were also served with deployment orders. That dang saying, “Careful what you ask for” screamed loud in my head when I heard the news.

I was stunned at first. How could this happen so fast? He just became an officer. We haven’t even met anyone in his unit yet. Then came anger. Why us? Who does the Army think they are, taking my hubby away from me for so long? What about our plans? We have so many plans. Then came sadness. A sadness I have never seen before. A controllable ugly cry took over me tenfold.

I teeter from sad to hopeful from day to day now. Hoping for the best and expecting the worse. Is that terrible? That’s simply just where I’m at now. Our first deployment. I have heard people discuss this experience, but never thought I would be one of THOSE people. It hurts. It hurts so much to think about hubby being gone for sooo long.

Staying busy, relishing the time we have together now and laughing as much as possible with friends/family is what we’re focusing on right now. We’re also making trips to the gun range so I feel comfortable with our gun and making our house as secure as Fort Knox. Ha! I try not to dwell on crazy thoughts but questions like, “Who will get my Christmas tree out of the attic for me?” or “I wonder what my giant spoon will be doing when I lay in bed unable to go to sleep at night when he’s away?” And then I snap back into reality and remind myself that men and women deploy every day and not for the first time. I remind myself to be proud. What an honor it is to have a brave and admirable husband as do I.

I look to faith next. I grew up in church. My closest pals growing up were the kids I’d see in my youth group. I was in church every chance I got. I know the Bible well enough. I know what faith is. So why the h-e-double hockey stick is THIS so hard on me? I have faith. I do, but... Dear God, Please keep my Soldier safe. Please keep my Soldier safe. Please keep my Soldier safe. Sink in faith, please sink in. Amen.

That’s about all the Army talk I can muster for now.

In other news and a much more fun subject, we're going to my little sis' (in my sorority) wedding tonight and football game tomorrow night. Should be a funfilled weekend!!!


Eric and Lar Holquin said...

i can only imagine how hard it is for you. praying for you my sweet friend. love you so much:)

Lindsay Swoboda said...

I started reading your blog a while back, and have laughed and loved your fun design posts, your journey over finding the right outfits for military functions, and my heart is heavy for you upon this news. You have no idea of who I am, but I assure you I am not a creepster (lol) but a fellow military spouse, who has had her share of deployments (3-boo), and I can say I KNOW what you are going through. Nothing anyone can say can make it better. But you will get through this! And each chapter brings with it new challenges...we moved to KOREA this year! But it also brings a new level and appreciation to your marriage. If you need anything, I know I am a stranger...but we are "military sisters" already girl...let me know:)I am also a spouse that continues to work and strive for a sense of self, as your husband's career takes over. And yes, we are so proud of our men, but it is also a life we are leading too!

Erin said...

@Lar, your always encouraging words and continued prayers mean the world to me. I truly treasure your support sweet spirited ole pal!

@Lindsay, thank you thank you thank you for reaching out to me and sharing your blog info. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your kind words towards me and relatable circumstance. It did my heart good to see the fire and positive energy I read in your blog too. I look forward to learning to embrace these Army “challenges” with grace as you do. Cheers to new bloggy friends!