where my head is

It's a bit of a letdown seeing Lee and then saying bye again so soon. I probably sound horrible but as much as I enjoyed seeing him, it's terribly hard saying bye. I can't help but think it would be easier to just not see him until he comes home. Dumb, huh? I can only push forward and be thankful for the time that I do get to see him. I know this. Just seeing him off at the airport and then walking to my own terminal was so dramatic last weekend. I finally got that "I am strong. Hear me roar. I am woman." feeling to only go back to the "I am needy. Tell me you love me 100x's a day feeling." Give me a few days and I'll roar again.
It's just hard to roar when you're planning on attending your first FRG (Family Readiness Group) meeting and see that the meeting's agenda is bleh. Thinking it will be nice to meet other Army spouses that have hubby's deploying with your hubby sounds smart and a great way to receive a wealth of information. However, my first impression leaves much to be desired. The 1st meeting was scheduled way last minute and I had plans that I didn't want to break.  I heard only 5 people attended and officers were appointed so I didn't miss a thing. No way would I want to volunteer to be an officer. Talk about the blind leading the blind. Ha!
Anyway, this next meeting is icky poo poo too. Bring your favorite dessert and recipe to share, talk about FRG fundraising through Scentsy, and receive a briefing by one of the captains accompanied by the chaplain to discuss Casualty Notification Protocol. Seriously? No, thank you. My rambled thoughts: Lame way to launch a new program for this unit and attract new members.
I'd rather learn about Casualty Notification Protocol after a repoire is established rather than discussing a topic so nauseating and personal with a group of strangers or better yet-let me hear it from my husband.
Fundraising? Hell. Create a fundraising committee or release an email blast with this information, please don't waste someone's time that wants to hear need-to-know information about surviving their first deployment. I'm not driving 2.5 hours to hear that crap and then drive home.
My Type A personality is taking this personal and I'm extremely disappointed. Not sure exactly what I expected, but not this. Not having a military background, I was really looking forward to meeting new friends that can relate to what I'm going through right now and I guess a Deployment 101 class. Let's have girl talk and share recipes in "off season" when we're not approaching a year of anziety and lonliness. Sheesh. Ha. I don't know...I know I know. You're reading this and screaming, "Deep breaths and suck it up, Erin." It's still early and I don't need to be so judgmental right out of the gate, not to mention, I haven't even been to one meeting yet. BUT Casualy Notification Protocol?!
Dear Blogland,
Tell me this, would you really want your first meeting to be that?! Let me read it in private. Tell me when the deployment date draws closer. Let my Soldier tell me. Just please don't make me face that reality right now. Hearing the word, "Casualty" is simply too soon. (as tears swell in my eyeballs)
Rawr.